I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he thought i was a dude.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
