He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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