Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
