i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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