the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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