So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
