That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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