she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got inside last night via doggy door
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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