1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
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