im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
