I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I sprained my soul last night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
