if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
