What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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