She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
