you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
