I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
