So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
