I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk walkin through police station. America
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
