i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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