we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
