You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
