About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
