I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
