Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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