just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
