im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want nice things and good sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
