so that wasnt chicken after all
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
