Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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