i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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