in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You have to summon your inner elephant
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
