He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
