FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
