The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
