omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
