This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
