If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
