Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
