There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
