You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
