Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
