I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
