Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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