Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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