I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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