drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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