Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
