how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
