then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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