It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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