Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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