So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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