I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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