when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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