By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
