Umm I'm too high to move.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
