I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
