Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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